30 Days Closer to God

I am not Alone
I am a Man of God
Peace and Love He Sacrificed
So This Day I Am His

I am a Sinner
I have Lied, Stolen, Fornicated
So much so I am ashamed

I deserve death and shame

But He came for me
Wake up Son and believe
You are Sick, I Heal
For while yet you sin, I have forgiven
-Jeff Barnes

I am a sinner. 

I am not perfect. 

My life as a Christian is weak at best. I smoke, I swear, I have way to many lustful thoughts and I am so selfish that at times it has hurt my family. 

 

So let's be real. I need a closer, deeper, more meaningful life. I want a life not measured by you, our society, or even the Church. I want a life lived to it's fullest. At the end of this life I want to hear...'Well Done.'

So I am dedicating the next thirty days to find my purpose. I am going to model my life and put to question my daily activities under light of the Grace Jesus has given me. I am going to pray and be real with my God. I am going to hold my thoughts, and my actions accountable to him. This is pretty tough stuff but who said being a Christian is easy?

So each day I am going to blog here my actions, transgressions and what I believe God is revealing to me through prayer. I am going to tell you my faults as I fumble my way to the narrow path that will ultimately open the doors and answer the question I have been seeking.... How to be a man of God?

So, how did I get started on this crazy, wacky, spiritual journey?

So I had this dream the other day. I dreamed that I was totally free. Ah come on, you know that dream. It is the dream where nothing is bothering you. You are not feeling strange. You are not in some zombie horde nightmare killing dream and you don't have monsters lingering under your bed. It was that kind of dream where you just feel at peace. You feel that you have made some strange breakthrough.  Well, I awoke from this dream and heard that small voice saying to me...'Jeff, take thirty days to know Me?'

You here of stories about dreams where people find themselves in places of beauty and serenity. Simply basking in the wonders of what they see. Then somehow that environmental dream transforms them inside. Feeling as if they are connected to something Greater. It is the same feeling I get when I have to make a long drive to a client site and I come over a hill to see something absolutely breathtaking. 

Light beams as if shot from heaving illuminating the landscape amidst dark clouds. It is as if God is telling me 'Hey Jeff, I am still here.' I feel sometimes God is bragging in only the way he can, showing His creation the beauty only He can provide. Nothing on earth can come close. So with this dream, God revealed to me that I do have a greater purpose. I have a greater person I can be. I am sure my brother who is reading this is wondering if I am going to be some Bible Banging, crazed lunatic preaching 'Turn or Burn.' 

This journey isn't about spreading the Word. It is about me and my imperfections. How in His light he can make me perfect. With his refinement, he can remove the dross. In his hands, I go willingly. Well, more like kicking and screaming. I am being real here!

But I want to know my God and have the blessed assurance of Salvation!

God is real. He is imaginable, He is approachable, He is only what we can aspire to reach. Let me explain. Jesus the Son of God was the man I would most like to be. Not the western image of the frail man, with golden hair with beams of light pouring down on me whenever I pray. Jesus was the real deal. he didn't play Christian. He didn't fake it. He loved SINNERS.  He encouraged those to believe and call them blessed.  However Jesus didn't tolerate fakers. He couldn't stand those who used God to bring them position or importance. Jesus is the man God wants us all to be.

Through the image of Christ, we learned who the Father is. There is a great book written by Gayle Erwin that I encourage you all to read. It is called the Jesus style. It is simple yet absolutely brilliant. I have provided a link to the left here so that you can go and buy it. It really is that awesome.

Gayle Erwin says it best in this book and I cannot begin to summarize it. This work is just so good that all I can say is that this is something you should read once a year. I remember the first time reading it, I cried at parts as I realized how truly compassionate and loving God is.

But now is a time for a deeper walk of faith. A challenge for me to reach higher and understand God more intimately. To question myself and hold my actions and thoughts under a microscope.

This approach will allow me to see what God wants to keep in my life and what he needs me to finally get rid of. It is my hope that this process will bring me to a closer, more meaningful relationship with God.

On the other end I want to be a better man, a better husband and father. I want to be able to live a Christian life unashamed. I want a life of purpose and excitement. I want a life of calling. I want a life that when you see me you see Christ's work in me. I want my life to show you the Gospel and not just words.

In closing, my prayer for the beginning of this journey...

God give me the strength for this journey. I don't know why I have started this other than I feel you hand on this. You have brought my life and my need to be closer to you to greater attention. You have awakened me in the middle of the night so that somehow I would remember your words. In that night, and this night, I have decided to answer the call. Jesus forgive me of my weakness and doubt. Teach, mold me and engrave upon my heart what it takes to be a man of God so that I don't ever stray again. Lord I am a sinner as I begin this process and I will be a sinner throughout. Lord I pray for your Grace and forgiveness for I am simply a man, a sinner wanting to be closer to you.