I awoke from an already forgotten dream to start my journey of learning how to live closer to God. My desire is that after thirty days I will consider myself a true man of God.
This morning was no different from any other. I didn't wake up with some angelic light. I didn't hear bells chiming or the angels singing. You know, to begin my first day I should at least have heard Gregorian Chants. No luck there.
My eyes opened to a dog licking her rear end on my bed followed by the screams of children fighting over something unknown or unimportant. Ah yes, Father of four check. It was at that moment I prayed. It was something simple and along the lines of 'Dear God, I have started this journey you have called me to, what is it that you want me to work on. What is it that I need to learn about myself so that I can make a step toward my goal of being a true 'Man of God.'
Interesting enough, he answered.
To those skeptics who are scratching their heads, let me explain how this works.
1. I pray to my Lord and Savior in expectation of an answer. I speak with him as he was my best friend and sitting there next to me. I don't spend a lot of energy with the thee's and thou's as it doesn't feel real to me.
2. I listen. Yep that is it. I shut up and wait for an answer. What is interesting is that the answer pops in your head as if somebody spoke it and you actually heard it. Kind of like an 'inaudible audible' that simply makes sense.
Wow, Selfishness.... Me? Really?
I mean, I know people who are a lot more 'self-absorbed' and selfish that I. Here I thought God would have said something like smoking, lust-fullness, being over-weight, or maybe that my prayer life just sucks. Obviously in beginning this journey, I was simply going to stop and listen. Follow as He lead. So, now selfishness.... let the day begin.
It didn't take more than one cup of coffee for God to start teaching me that I need to work on selfishness. This morning is Kung Fu morning. I teach both a kids class and an adult class. My morning is pretty busy. After breakfast and a quick cup of coffee, I dashed off to the bedroom to get in my uniform and clean up for class. Jen needed to run to CVS for a few items and would be back before class would start.
So the time was fifteen minutes till class starts and I hear that sound that I really didn't want to hear.
"I am poopie."
Normally that sound is only to represent that Tayla our youngest at the age of two needs to go and use the potty. It is only when she is really expressive in saying "PEEEOOOOOPIE" that I know that I have a literal mess on my hands. My oldest daughter got Tayla to her potty and helped her use it only to find that she was literally covered all over and down her legs with the foul smelling poo.
"Why did Jen have to leave NOW to go to CVS. Doesn't she know that I have to get ready for class and students are coming?"
Yep. I said it.
And I am Selfish.......
Here I am a master of Kung Fu, and a man of importance. Why do I have to belittle myself with such things. God was showing me just how much of a SELFISH punk I can be. My pour daughter is covered in filth and needs my help and I am mad because I have to deal with it.
Thank God for poo.
I had to rush to get her cleaned up, and because she was covered with the foul stuff, I had to take her and dump her in the bath. I cleaned her up and got her dressed. All within minutes of my students arriving for class.
I am sure skeptics would say that God didn't make my daughter poo to teach me a lesson. However I believe that God used the situation to teach me something about myself. My daughter is my own. She is my responsibility. It is not just that my wife does the raising of our children. It is my responsibility to. I need to remember that I am a Dad. A Dad takes care of his children.
God my Father in Heaven is a Dad too. He is our Heavenly Father because once we take on Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we get adopted to the family. No matter what POO we get covered with, He is there to clean us up. He is there to love us. I am a child in my Father's arms. Either covered with filth or bright and shiny like a precious gem, God loves us all the same.
More importantly, if God loves me. If he is willing to adopt me no matter my past or what I have done, he is willing to love me and accept me whatever the situation. I don't have to be perfect and clean. I can come to him covered in Poo into his welcoming arms.
God, you are too much!
God went ahead and showed me how I am selfish in other situations of this day. From wanting to watch something on TV that wasn't appropriate for my children to see, to helping a friend hand cabinets.
My childhood friend recently moved back. He has a wonderful wife and kid and he has a hurt back. I have watched him struggle as he has to sit back while he his wife does most of the renovation work on their home. Because of his injury he has been without work to boot. To a man who has been without work, who had to depend on his wife to help make ends meet, I totally understand the struggles he may be going through. This week, he called and asked if I can help him today to hang cabinets.
I agreed on the phone earlier this week. However this day, my back has been bothering me from traveling so much. I don't know what causes it but I get a pain in my back and it flares up to a point that sometimes I can barely walk or bend. Today was one of those days.
I had an easy excuse. I could blame my own back to cause me from helping him. However today, I was about to call and try to bail on my friend when God knocked on my conscious. He has this problem all the time. His wife cannot do it all by herself. Sure I can stay home and be well within my right, or I can go and help in a way that uniquely can bless my friend.
I was able to man up and go ahead and help my friend hang cabinets. The interesting thing God showed me was that I have a lot to learn. Yep, my friends wife who has been remodeling their home has laid down their laminate wood flooring, painted and hung a chair rail, followed by doing a pretty great job of crown molding her kitchen despite the unevenness of the walls. She did all that BY HERSELF.
She showed me how she hung the crown molding and how to make the proper cuts. Here I was trying to bless a friend and in turn, I get blessed by learning something new. Well, ultimately I was able to help them hang five cabinets before I had to hurry home to get ready for a dinner with friends.
Well, dinner was pretty non eventful and full of good conversations and family time. We had a great meal of fondue. While it wasn't on my diet, I enjoyed myself immensely. It is just great to spend time with friends and they are willing to have a family as large as my own into their home. My friend who had us over for dinner along with many of their other friends did so because they love to entertain.
It is just another way I learned about how selfish I am. Sure, I like to hang out with people. However I normally don't like to have a lot of people over to my house. What is interesting to see is that we benefited and helped somebody else by being neighborly and visiting a friend in their home. They said that the reason they bought such a big home was for the purpose of entertaining guests. Opening their home to us and others is an unselfish act that blesses both the guests and the hosts.
I need to learn to be more open. Thank You God for showing me how selfish I am and reveal to me ways to overcome them. I can only imagine what tomorrow will bring.
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